I popped in to my new place of work today. Everyone was very lovely, very welcoming, and I'm truly looking forward to starting in September. However, being the new girl after seven years in the same job is uber wierd. I don't know where anything is. I took a wrong turn every time I left a room I was in, and had to pretend I had walked down the corridor and back again for a Very Important Reason. I picked stuff up to sort it, then just sort of, put it back, because I didn't really know what to do with it. I don't do well in this sort of situation - I like to be in control, sure of myself, and lets face it, a bit bossy.
So I have decided to adopt my eldest sons method of dealing with life, and have a few key answers to any question or situation. I'm quite confident they will get me through any tricky spots.
J's Method of Dealing With Awkward Questions:
Me: "Why are you squashing your brother between the sofa cushions?"
J:"Because it's brilliant".
Quite confident I can breezily shout "because it's brilliant!" When someone questions why I have announced I am off to the staff room and instead have walked in to the toilets three times in a row.
J's Method of Getting Your Own Way:
Me: "J, I have asked you not to eat that play dough/throw things at the dog/dig up my plants/ wee on the floor..."
J: "Mummy, go and make yourself a cup of tea/go and sit down/go inside".
This is NOT done in a caring suggesting type of voice, it is barked at full volume. The aim is to order the offending person OUT of your airspace so you can continue misbehaving. I'm hopeful that my lovely new colleagues will respond to me shouting "go into the staff room IMMEDIATELY!" In their faces to cover up the fact that I'm a bit lost and therefore not actually doing anything constructive. They'll love it.
J's Method of Not Doing As He's Told:
Me: "J, tidy up your toys please".
J: "Can't mummy, I'm too small. I'll tidy up when I'm a man".
I think, "I can't, I'm too new, I'll do it when I've been here a few years" will probably be my safety net for a while.
If all else fails, I'll go for a direct J quote of "I can't hear you, the clouds have fallen out the sky and got in my ears".
I might start J up as a motivational speaker. How To Progress In Your Career And Impress Your Lovely New Boss.